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If dressing as a girl was any type of burden at thestart don't you think she would have said something back then?" This doesn't change anything," my mom said weakly."Stacy, do you mind waiting up front?" my grandma closed the door behindme. "I think it changes everything," she said through the closed door.I took my regular seat in the waiting area again. I sat up there andstewed for about ten minutes before Luanne told me that they wanted tosee me again."Stacy, how would you like to stay the night at your aunt's housetonight?" my grandma said.I looked to my mom."It's okay, sweetie," my mom said to me. It looked like she had beencrying.I hugged my mom for over a minute during which time we said "I love you"several times to each other. I grabbed my boy clothes, stuffed them inthe perm solution box and followed my grandma to her car."Grandma, can I ask you a question?" I asked after we'd been on the roadfor awhile."I love hearing you call me Grandma, I've been waiting many years tohear. Conservative in a peculiarly urban-middle class-Indian way, they perfectly encapsulated the struggle for India’s soul. It was perfectly normal for them to, for example, have a best friend belonging to a different religion/caste… but the idea of an inter-caste marriage was still something of a culture shock. This pseudo-conservatism extended in particular to their daughter’s love life. While she was allowed, even encouraged to wear modern clothes and watch Western movies/tv shows, the idea that their daughter would actually wish to date someone was unimaginable. The third reason was fear, plain and simple. All her life Nidhi had excelled at everything she attempted. Be it studies or sports or being president of the Student’s Council, it all came to her easily and naturally. But when it came to matters of love, particularly the physical aspects of a relationship, she was terrified. Afraid of failure. Afraid of not living upto expectations. Not that Nidhi was by any means a prude or.
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